Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
