We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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