Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
