IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize