I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
