guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
