Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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