I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
