The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
