Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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