I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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