dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
