Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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