I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
