he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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