they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
