Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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