so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
