rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
