I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
