WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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