If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
