I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
40s are totally the cure
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
