i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
