i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
