Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
