So drunk its hurt
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
