we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
