So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
