can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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