I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize