Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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