Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
