Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
