Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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