found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
