Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
