she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
