um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
