we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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