woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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