remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
