I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
