He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
