I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i out mim tonsoeep
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