I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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