they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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