from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
