I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
