just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
