This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
