Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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