; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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