At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
