you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
