I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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