I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
