Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
