hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize