Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
