im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
