8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
