My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
