Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize