Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
